photo credit: emiliokuffer
I often write in first person, but I was taking the Editpalooza workshop through SavvyAuthors.com, and the editor to whom I was assigned, Lea Schizas from Muse It Up Publishing, brought to my attention that I had used the word “I” five times in two sentences for a grand total of six “I”s in the opening paragraph. Lea’s point was that the use of the word “I” can sometimes be distancing because the narrator tells the reader what to feel. This was a revelation for me, and I haven’t seen it discussed before; hence, the blog post.
I’ll show you the difference in a before and after:
Before:
“When I opened the car door, it was like opening the 425-degree oven that I used to bake my frozen pizzas.” [I also noted here that I used variations of the word “open” twice in one sentence – aaargh!]
After:
“A blast of heat, like the 425-degree oven that heated up my frozen pizza earlier, hit me once I stepped out of the car, and I wanted to cast off the linen jacket. Yet, my outfit needed a little dressing up with authority.”
I reduced the number of “I”s from five to two, and, although I’m sure it’s not perfect, it’s more immediate than before.
Now I only have to apply this new-found knowledge to each sentence of the manuscript!
Have you noticed excessive use of “I”s either in books you read or your own manuscripts? What is its effect on you?
Do you agree with this advice that “I” can be more about telling than showing?
Category: first-person, Uncategorized | Tags: first-person, showing not telling, viewpoint
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Oh so true! And I write in first person. Early on, a friend made me look carefully at using “I”. And another suggested for a general use to try wordcounter.com. I go back and try to eliminate and find alternative words and ultimately, my writing will be fresher.
Good post.
Jacqueline; I have some WIPs where part of the story is told through first person, and some through third. For the firstt person parts, I try to use a variation of deep POV. Which is what you did. Think of what you’re doing,leaving out the I’s. You wouldn’t think I opened the door to a hot outside. You’d use, The open door let in the oppresive heat. Tell the reader what you’re doing from your viewpoint when writing in first person.
I like the second (re-worked paragraph) better. It makes sense and Lea is a smart lady, so I’d listen to her. Marian
Barbara, You’re right, it is deep pov. I wasn’t calling it that, but that’s what it is! I just didn’t see the connect before between the difference of showing vs. telling in first person and deep pov.
Thanks for the post!
So that’s what deep POV is!
.
I’ve wrecked my brain trying to fathom what it is
I have noticed what I deemed to be an excessive use of “I”s in some of the 1st person stories I’d read, but I never put my finger on why it bothered me. You’re absolutely right, it does create distance. Great to know, as I start writing my first 1st person POV story.
Rosalie, I’ve been bothered by it, too, in other people’s writing, but thought it was just a necessary evil of first person. Glad to find out there’s something I can do about it!
That’s always the trick — keeping it in close POV, yet making sure words echo rather than repeat.