by Sue Grafton

ISBN: 978-0-399-15786-8

Reviewed by Jacqueline Corcoran

Kinsey is hired by the boyfriend of a woman who supposedly jumped to her death after a shoplifting charge, which Kinsey instigated after witnessing the woman stealing clothes in a Nordstrum. Kinsey is hired because the boyfriend wants Kinsey to find out if it was true that his girlfriend had a secret life.

As a starter, I found this motive a little bit of a stretch; the guy seemed pretty entrenched in his denial and not the type to spend money on a private investigator. Also, Grafton could do well to return to writing shorter books. There were many passages detailing every move that Kinsey took. About a third of the book could have been edited down.

I’m further not keen on the alternative viewpoints in Grafton’s more recent books. We even start with another viewpoint other than hers. I particularly didn’t like the gangster character viewpoint, which seemed a bit stereotypical and inauthentic. However, the most sympathetic character (even more than Kinsey) was the gangster with a love interest.

Very late in the game, Grafton brings in a character that Kinsey has dealt with before, but his involvement, as a result of its timing, seems a bit contrived.

In the end, the resolution of the two deaths present in the book come together, leading to a satisfying conclusion. However, we could have gotten there much sooner.

Jeanne Dams authors a long-standing cozy mystery series about Dorothy Martin, an elderly American elderly sleuth who lives in England with her British ex-detective husband. In her fifteenth installment, A Dark and Stormy Night, Jeanne Dams employs the classic English manor setting in which a snowstorm keeps the guests all housebound while old – and then new – murders are discovered.

Though I enjoyed reading the story, I found it confusing at times, especially the connection between the two bodies in the past and the murders and mishaps in the present. The ending was somewhat predictable and I admit to figuring out “who done it,” but, in all, I enjoyed the classic “ten little Indians” set-up and the relationship between sleuth and her husband; it is refreshing to see an older couple that still have passion for each other.

I was so pleased to see that Jeanne Dams came out with this latest mystery after a long gap in her Dorothy Martin series. I am also glad to see that she has been adopted by Severn House, which specializes in mysteries that are no longer being picked up by the big six New York houses. I am looking forward to reading the next Dorothy Martin installment, which I have noticed just came out this year.

photo credit: emiliokuffer

I often write in first person, but I was taking the Editpalooza workshop through SavvyAuthors.com, and the editor to whom I was assigned, Lea Schizas from Muse It Up Publishing, brought to my attention that I had used the word “I” five times in two sentences for a grand total of six “I”s in the opening paragraph. Lea’s point was that the use of the word “I” can sometimes be distancing because the narrator tells the reader what to feel. This was a revelation for me, and I haven’t seen it discussed before; hence, the blog post.

I’ll show you the difference in a before and after:

Before:
“When I opened the car door, it was like opening the 425-degree oven that I used to bake my frozen pizzas.” [I also noted here that I used variations of the word “open” twice in one sentence – aaargh!]

After:
“A blast of heat, like the 425-degree oven that heated up my frozen pizza earlier, hit me once I stepped out of the car, and I wanted to cast off the linen jacket. Yet, my outfit needed a little dressing up with authority.”

I reduced the number of “I”s from five to two, and, although I’m sure it’s not perfect, it’s more immediate than before.

Now I only have to apply this new-found knowledge to each sentence of the manuscript!

Have you noticed excessive use of “I”s either in books you read or your own manuscripts? What is its effect on you?

Do you agree with this advice that “I” can be more about telling than showing?

photo credit: khrawlings

I’m going to be on a blog radio show, Dialogue, February 23, 2012, to talk about my mysteries, A MONTH OF SUNDAYS and BACKLIT. Listen here:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dialogue/ (also will be archived).

photo credit: I .. C .. U

I’ve been having fits editing a scene for the last few days. I was boring myself with the scene and couldn’t bring myself to finish it.

The aspects that were giving me trouble:

1. It’s set in an office which is where the last two scenes took place.

Fix: For the longest time, I couldn’t see a way around this because the characters are lawyers preparing for a trial and a lot of the action will be taking place in the office. One alternative is to have the interview take place in the second chair’s office, where at least the decorations are different.

Another and probably better alternative and one that Elizabeth George often uses: to have the interview take place at the witness/suspect’s place of work. The son in my story is a conceptual artist, so the interview could take place in his studio. This would provide some different set pieces, give the characters something to talk about other than the case, and have more conflict because one or both female attorneys won’t like it or will disagree with each other about their reactions to the artwork.

2. It was a question and answer between my main character, an assistant district attorney, and the defendant’s son, mainly gathering information.

Here’s how it started off:

Karen dela Rose’s son was so thin and tall, his clothes looked like they were draped over a hanger. With his pale coloring and reddened eyes, he resembled a rodent.
“I’m sorry for your loss.” In his case, it was a double loss. His father dead, his mother imprisoned for his murder.
He nodded and folded himself into a chair.
“You chose not to have an attorney present.” The heat blazed behind the blinds in my office, like it was battering to get in.
He quirked his mouth in a weak smile. “I don’t need an attorney. I have nothing to hide.”
I nodded. “I asked you here to get some background information on your family.” I was surprised he had come. Paulson should have interviewed him from the get-go, but was too eager to start clearing cases now that he was back. “What kind of relationship did your parents have with each other?”
“They were married for a long time.”
“What kind of marriage was it?”
“It had its ups and downs, but they were devoted to each other.”
Strange choice of words, especially for a man about my own age.

Yawn:0

Fix:

I’ve brought in the main character’s second chair who is a bit erratic, but she should add some life to the scene. There is also some underlying conflict between these two women, and as every writing advice book and blog post recommends, conflict is key! They also have conflict about how to handle the interview, meaning that their questioning will at times be at cross-purposes.

Tips that you can apply to your own work:

1. Bring in another person in a dyadic scene to introduce conflict.
2. Change the setting; consider a work setting to add interest.
3. Use oblique dialogue – people don’t answer questions and answer other questions instead.

I’ve sketched the rough draft with these new elements. Now I just have to write it all up.

Will any of this work for you? What do you do to revitalize boring scenes?

photo credit: mikecogh

Did I finish my legal thriller? No, but this is what I did instead in January (in addition to my actual job):

1) I wrote three proposals for cozy mysteries with three books plotted out in each. Therefore, I plotted out nine books total! My discussion of how I did this is on my post at Downtown YA: http://downtownya.blogspot.com/2012/01/generating-story-ideas.html.

2) I got back edits for YA MEMOIR OF DEATH that is coming out in May and am almost finished with those. My editor there likes everything told in “real time.” My approach usually is to take information that doesn’t seem to deserve its own scene and weave it into the next scene. This drives her crazy, and she likes me to take out all that information and attach it to the prior scene or create its own scene around it. She also wants more of an ending. I have to admit to getting bored when authors take the time to sew up everything at the ending of mysteries, so I tend to end abruptly when the murder is solved. She wants more, and I know it is typical because the ending is a bit of trick in this book, so I do have some explaining to do.

3) I finished my steampunk novel, THE MECHANICAL HAND, which turned into a novella because of its short word count (about 35,000 words). I won a pitch contest on the blog Rockville 8 that Entangled editors threw and was asked to submit the entire manuscript for one of Entangled’s new digital lines. Winning the pitch finally motivated me to finish the darn thing. I had been stuck at the ending since August (six months – aargh!). I think a lot of the stuckness was trying to make up my mind whether I should be content for MECHANICAL HAND to stay as a novella or whether it needed to be expanded into a full-length novel.

4) I participated in a SavvyAuthors.com online writing class on Interactive Fiction by Mima. This was a fascinating course on choose your own adventure type formats (most famous for the 1980’s middle grade series). Mima herself writes erotic romance (hence the mysterious first name only) but she has collected the more contemporary examples of interactive fiction on her website. I toyed with the idea of perhaps making my steampunk novella into one of these to expand it, but Mima said that since I was so close to finishing it, I probably didn’t want to go that route. These types of novels need a lot of planning from the start so that options begin to branch off very early on. I would like to attempt one of these at some point, and with Mima’s advice and materials, I will be prepared to do so.

5) I made progress on the legal thriller. I now have about 25,000 words, and I know the usual advice is to keep writing the first draft in a white heat, finishing it all before going back through and editing. But, at some point what I have is so rough and sketchy that I am compelled to start from the beginning and clean it up, so that what I have approximates a more complete draft. I used to do this for my critique groups, but now I am so busy that it’s hard to find time to meet with like-minded critique partners, especially in an area like Washington, D.C. where people may live in Northern Virginia, the district itself, or Maryland, and a lot of driving may be required. It’s easier for me now to pay an editor for her time. This gets me motivated to actually finish each chapter, and the feedback helps me catch all the little things I didn’t see or to be more logical around the character or plot. So this has turned into my process:

• Write as much as I can until I stall on what to write next. My writing at this point is very dialogue-heavy and sometimes there are barely any setting or character descriptions or action. Next to dialogue, the most common element I write is interior thoughts.
• Go to the beginning and clean up, adding description, action, and summary sections, chapter by chapter,
• Submit to my editor one chapter at a time
• Get the reality check on each chapter and see if I can use any of the advice going forward as I continue to clean up and write

In summary, I didn’t finish a whole novel, but I did end one, edit and add to another, plot nine more, take a course on learning how to do a different type of novel, and make significant progress on my work in progress. How did your January go in terms of your writing goals or progress?

Completing Your Mystery
Presented by Jaqueline Corcoran
Dates: February 6 – 24, 2012
Deadline: February 2, 2012
Fee: $16.00

Course Description:

Do you have an idea for a mystery or one that you have started and then gotten stuck?

Then this workshop is for you.

The writer will be taken step-by-step through the process of opening the mystery, creating characters, plotting, and writing scenes, dialogue, and description by using the advice, ideas, and exercises provided by the instructor. The class will motivate you, provide you with as much feedback as you want, and give you the logic and depth necessary to create a mystery that satisfies.

photo credit: nist6ss

One of my big challenges to writing fast is getting stuck (i.e., not knowing what is supposed to happen next). Here are some recent blog posts that I’ve found that help with problem-solving and scene construction:

• Coming up with ideas using questions you ask yourself:

http://writersinthestorm.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/talking-back-to-your-brain/

• Constructing scenes by switching to a focus on character emotions rather than plot:

http://blog.janicehardy.com/2011/10/do-you-feel-it-plotting-with-emotional.html

• A checklist for the kinds of things that can happen in scenes. Discussed here as a way to revise, but also can be used for coming up with ideas:

http://blog.janicehardy.com/2011/04/rule-of-three-no-other-one.html

Jami Gold expanded on these ideas here: http://girlswithpens.com/2011/12/05/how-to-make-the-most-of-a-scene-guest-post-by-jami-gold/

• More about what goes into scenes:

http://www.sfnovelists.com/2011/11/25/the-skill-list-project-scene-design/

• 41 ways to build suspense – ideas you can adapt for your own scene creating. A great integration from a variety of sources:

http://ianirvine.blogspot.com/2011/09/41-ways-to-create-and-heighten-suspense_27.html

• This blog post is about ending scenes well, but I find it helpful for working against reader expectations more generally in coming up with ideas:

http://sierragodfrey.blogspot.com/2012/01/unexpected-things-make-good-scene.html

What blog posts have you found most helpful for coming up with ideas of what happens next?